The Emotion Behind the Words

Anytime anybody says a sentence, the sentence has two meanings: the literal meaning of the words, and the “emotion” behind those words. Here is an obvious example: If you and I are at an art gallery and you catch me staring away at something, you might ask “what are you looking at?” The literal meaning of those words is “what are you looking at” and the emotion behind those words is “hey are you looking at some piece of art that I haven’t noticed yet”? But if you’re at a bar and some mean Italian guy looks at you and sneers “hey what are you looking at” the real emotion behind those words is “I’m going to fucking kick your ass if you keep looking at me.” Another example: we’re on a road trip and you nervously ask “hey does anybody need to stop to pee”? The literal meaning of those words is “hey I want to know if anybody wants to stop to pee” but the emotion behind those words is “I really need to pee and I need an excuse to stop.”

Ok, so people, and ESPECIALLY women, are very good at discerning the “emotion” behind your words. So you can say “hey how was your day” and they can immediately sense that you want to fuck them or that you will be a beta supplicator. How do they know this? Your tone of voice, your body language, your posture, etc… (I’ll call all these characteristics the X-factor). Most of it is subconscious so you can’t even tell that you’re coming off as a creep or desperate, but they can. An important thing to learn in PUA is that the EMOTION BEHIND THE WORDS is more important than the actual words themselves. You can spend all day talking with a girl about the dumbest shit and she’ll love it as long as the “emotion” behind the words is good.

So what to do? You want to convey to girls that you are confident, that you don’t need them, that you have extremely high standards, and that you are always looking for somebody better. This has to come out in your X-factor. If your X-factor is right, you can say shit to a girl that a regular could never say. If your X-factor is bad, even the most innocuous words come out like turds. The way to give off a good X-factor is as follows:

1) Be very confident and calm, like you were talking to your mom or your best friend.
2) Be playful and half-joking about everything, so that every sentence you say feels like you might mean it or you might not.
3) Make her feel like that you are talking to her but your mind is on something else.
4) When she talks about boring shit shift your body language so that it seems like you are almost bored or annoyed by her talking.
5) Good eye contact is important but look around the room every once in a while to let her know that she’s not the center of your universe.
6) Take a step away every once in a while to make her feel like you might just walk away or that you feel like she is coming on to you too strong.
7) Smile, laugh, and be generally happy so she feels like you are talking to her because the conversation is fun, not because you like HER.
8) Listen to what she’s saying, but don’t listen too deeply, like every word she says is super valuable.

Here is an embarrassing confession: I learned one of my most important PUA lessons from a girl named Becky who was a huge slut. She was really hot, fucked tons of guys, and knew she could get basically any guy she wanted. She also learned to use these things to manipulate men. Her X-factor was bizarre – whenever she talked it was very fake and condescending, like she was talking to a little kid. Or you could say she sounded like one of those fake salespeople that is trying to come off as nice but you know in their heart they don’t give a fuck about you. If you saw her at a party she would walk up to a with a fake smile on her face, hug you, and say something almost patronizing like “hey buddy! how are you?” She called everybody “buddy,” which is a bizarre thing to say to a guy you want to fuck – but it worked. If you want a fuck a girl, you don’t care that she called you “buddy.” Similarly, if you’re a girl who wants to fuck a guy, you don’t care that he called you buddy. But when she called people “buddy” it gave the feeling that “Hey, I might be interested in you romantically – or maybe as just friends.” After the initial hug, she would cross her arms and take a step back, almost as if she didn’t want to get too close to you. Your brain starts fighting with itself because, on a logical level, your brain thinks “hey she is being very nice and telling me she likes me” but deep down in your heart you aren’t so sure because she is giving you the body language of somebody who is not interested. It’s a sad fact of human psychology, but this type of uncertainty drives people wild. The brain keeps thinking about what’s happening, going through the possibilities, and trying to figure it out. Meanwhile, her mind and increasingly her emotions are focused on you.

I’ve noticed this “fake”, plastic demeanor works with a lot of girls because it keeps them guessing. One on hand, you are being nice and saying the right things, but on the other hand the girl can feel like you may not actually give a shit about her. If you make it clear that you’re not interested in somebody (like if you verbally say “I’m not interested in you” or just walk away), they move on because they don’t want to be hurt or humiliated. But if you make it clear that you ARE interested in somebody, then they get tired of you because you’ve already been conquered. But if you can keep them in that middle zone you are golden. And Becky’s demeanor was perfect for that – her words were nice but her demeanor made you doubt. I would analogize her demeanor to a famous pop star or rapper like Jay Z trying really hard to be nice to one of her fans (an especially pathetic fan, like a little kid or something), or the host of a party greeting his guests in a way that’s polite but that shows that the host clearly has other shit to attend to.

Most guys are the opposite (especially PUA guys) are the opposite. They will try to talk and sound like they don’t care about the girl or that they’re “alpha” or whatever, but the girl can tell that they do care, so the guy comes off as a fake, angry, beta. Its the worst of both worlds – the guy is being an asshole and ignoring her but he also doesn’t make her feel that “alpha” vibe because she knows he is obsessed with her and thinking about her. On the other hand, if you see a TRUE PLAYER, you will notice that he is extremely nice (sometimes overly nice), smiling, happy, etc… But you always get the feeling that he might just up and leave the girl at any moment and go do something else. If you’re at a party with a true player a lot of times you can’t even tell what girl he is into until he tells you.

Here’s an example from my own life. Last week some girl I used to date, but started ignoring, called me. We talked for a while and at the end of it she just admitted that “I called you cuz I wanted some attention.” Of course this is what some people might call a “shit test.” My response? I said in a playful way “you can call me anytime you want for attention.” Of course, if I actually meant this, that would be horrible. I would be admitting that I was firmly in the friendzone and I would sound like a beta dork that would bend over and give this girl attention whenever she wanted. But because I said it in a playful, condescending, “I’m just trying to be nice to you” way, she didn’t know whether I was actually available to give her attention whenever she wanted. We talked for another minute after this comment and then I told her I had to go to the gym. So I said a massively beta thing – but with the right X-factor. Result? This weekend she called me at 3 morning, wasted, asking if she could come to my house for some “attention.”

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One thought on “The Emotion Behind the Words

  1. Pingback: The emotion behind the words | obsessionsys.com

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