As you deal with girls, it is common for girls to flake, do mildlly disrespectful things, or to try to take advantage of men. One mistake I see a lot of guys making, and one that I’ve been guilty of as well, is that we “scold” girls when they do things like this. We might make an “innocent” joke like “stop being so lame” to worse, such as outright berating them. I even see guys post on PUA forums stories of how they “told some girl off” as if it was something to be proud about.
Here is the point of this blog post: Don’t Scold Girls! Period! If a girl is truly being a flake and/or disrespectful, dump her, but don’t think that yelling/insulting/demeaning girls will get you anywhere. Instead, it will create a weird, negative vibe in the relationship and the girl will immediately become cautious and suspicious around you. Not to mention that it will make you look smaller and weaker in her eyes – I mean, how high could your status be if something SHE does could make you so upset? Also, imagine if you’re a pretty girl that is constantly meeting guys, giving out her number, and going on dates. Do you want to hang out with the guy who plays it cool and brushes off a little flakiness, or the guy that texts her “hey what happened to you!! Where did you go? Lame!!” Going on a date with somebody is a frustrating experience because you have to deal with the emotions of some person you barely now, the last thing you want to deal with is is somebody sensitive, or angry, or needy, etc… The key is to constantly stay positive!
This is a hard concept for guys to understand because men and women are wired different emotionally. Men learn from a young age that if somebody is fucking with you, you need to stand up to them and get them to stop. And likewise, that’s what men expect others to do. Women don’t learn that. Women don’t have the confidence, emotional desire, competitiveness, experience, or training to “stand up” to people that fuck with them. Either because of society and/or biology (I’m not going to get into that debate here) women are generally nonconfrontational and submissive. If somebody fucks with them they either try to take it or try to disappear. Think about the typical stand up comedy joke – when a guy does something wrong, instead of telling him, the woman will just put it in her memory bank and stew on it and then bring it up in some argument months later.
For that reason, if a woman does something “wrong” (flake, be disrespectful, etc…) and the man yells at her, she doesn’t think “oh shit I need to man up and get my shit right.” Instead she sulks, gets sad, and thinks the guy is an asshole. Even if the guy is right, she still FEELS like he is an asshole, which is what matters. It’s sad to say, but its a fucked up aspect of female psychology. Now, I’m not saying that being an asshole will end every relationship – it won’t – a lot of girls are so desperate and have such low self esteem they will stay with a guy that they think is being a jerk. But it won’t do you any favors.
In every relationship, the man is the “dominant” one, and when he yells at the woman, there is nothing for her to feel good about. When man A yells at man B, sometimes its good, because that causes man B to get his shit together and become a better man, maybe equalling or surpassing man A. But women will never become man A, so degrading/insulting at them is just pointless.
Here is an analogy. Let’s say you work for a guy we’ll call “Boss.” Boss owns the company, he is very rich, and your salary/livelihood/life is dependent on Boss. You are very worried about doing a good job and impressing Boss, because you know if you don’t, we could find somebody else. One day, you fuck up at work and the Boss comes in your office and says “Well, Jim, looks like you fucked up the account – you’re a real piece of shit.” How would you feel? Even if you knew he was right, and you knew you could do better, and you knew that, overall, Boss still liked you and wanted you to work there, him calling you a piece of shit would affect you deeply – because he had power over you. You would always remember that day and always kind of think your boss was an asshole.
So what should you do when a woman does something wrong? Well, its better to just tell her your feelings. Say something like “I was really looking forward to seeing you” or “I’m really disappointed you missed our dinner.” Women understand the language of “feelings” but they don’t understand the language of confrontation. You may think you sound like a bitch by saying those things, but in reality you are being honest and there is nothing the woman can fault you for. It puts the onus and pressure on her to act right not because she is afraid you will yell at her again, but because she is afraid she will lose you to a woman who will treat her better – the same exact thought process that goes on in her head.
Guys, this is a lesson I learned the hard way. When a woman acts like a jerk, either cut her loose or have an honest conversation about your feelings (in the most positive way possible). But don’t “scold” her. Especially if she has no obligation to you.