There is a lot of talk in the PUA/seduction community about being an “alpha male,” but the real question is this: what IS an alpha male? I know a lot of people don’t like evolutionary biology, but I’m going to dig into that world for a little bit to gain some insight.
On an evolutionary level, women are attracted to the alpha male for the mere fact that he is the best specimen of the tribe to reproduce with and also the best candidate to take care of the baby. He is the healthiest, the strongest, and the most likely to survive ape in the tribe. The alpha male can beat the shit out of any other ape in the tribe (in fact, in ape colonies, that is why he is the alpha male) and is best at providing for the material needs and comfort for his partners (mostly because he can beat the shit out of the other apes and take their food). In addition, the other apes bow down to the alpha male and obey him, and all the other women in the tribe want to have sex with him. All of this is programmed into women’s DNA, so when they see a man with these traits in the human world their emotions buzz.
But let me explain to you the most important aspect of being an alpha male:
Apes and human beings (remember, we’re apes too) are naturally programmed to view our societies hierarchically. In fact, studies have shown that in bonobo packs every ape has a “ranking” and if the number 7 ape disrespects the number 6 ape everybody in the tribe gets very upset. Scientists have even observed lower ranked apes BOWING to higher ranked apes. Its common knowledge that human societies are hierarchical, but its interesting that this hierarchy is rooted in our ape DNA. Its not a coincidence that practically every human society in history has been structured as a reverse pyramid with one supreme ruler (i.e., alpha male) on top with a hierarchy of lower ranked apes beneath him.
Of course, the alpha male is number one. What does this mean? At a primal level, it means that “the alpha male can do whatever he wants.” That’s right, that’s the whole definition of an alpha male boils down to this: he does whatever he wants. That’s it.
Of course, it makes sense that women would be attracted to the male that does whatever he wants. If the alpha male truly does whatever he wants, that means he can beat up the other males. That means he can get them food and shelter whenever he wants. That means he can impregnate them whenever he wants. That means he can have sex whenever he wants. It also means that the alpha male is never needy or desperate because he can control himself because he can do WHATEVER HE WANTS. By definition, a lower ranked ape cannot do whatever he wants because at the end of the day he has to obey the alpha male. So the beta male (the #2 male) can do whatever he wants until the alpha male walks by and tells him to go get him a banana or he will get his ass kicked.
So women have a primal aversion to any man that is being controlled, whether it be by another man or woman. And that’s why women lose their attraction to you when they feel like they can control you. How can you be an alpha male if you let a woman control you? Women have to feel like you’re unpredictable and you’re constantly doing cool and interesting things, i.e., the kinds of things a man that can do whatever he wants does. It’s interesting that the most famous character in all of literature, God, is basically a cosmic alpha male that can do whatever he wants on the grandest scale. He literally spends all day kicking people’s asses and giving his friends material things. And people literally worship him.
As a practical matter, this means that to impress a girl you have to subtly make her feel like you can do whatever you want. Of course, if you stand her up on a date to play Xbox at home, her rational mind/societal programming is going to tell her that you’re a douchebag that isn’t interested in her. But you do need to make a woman feel at a primal level that you can do whatever you want. For example, sometimes if I’m a club and I want to impress a club, I’ll ask the DJ to play a song (I’ll even slip him a $20 if I have to). When the DJ plays the song, he looks like he works for me and I can do whatever I want. Of course, the DJ isn’t beneath me, but I am striking that irrational/primal chord in her psyche that makes her attracted to alpha males.
Think about waiters at restaurants. If you really think about, the whole concept of waiters at restaurants is totally irrational – at even the fanciest places it would make more sense to order at the counter and just go get your food from the counter when its ready. At the very least, you would order at the counter and somebody would bring you the food. But restaurants have waiters because are willing to pay a small fee (15-20% of their total bill) so they can pretend to have a slave for a few hours. Part of the reason women put out after dinner is that they saw the man they were with completely control and dominate another man for a short while – they basically felt like he was the alpha male. Its totally irrational, its totally stupid, and nobody wants to admit its true – but at the end of the day, how else can you explain restaurants?
This also explains why women like bad boys – a bad boy is really nothing more than a guy who insists on breaking society’s rules. Logical people know that bad boys are eventually going to get caught and go to jail because our society has a good police system. However, when a bad boy makes it appear like he can do “anything” that touches a very primal part of a woman’s emotions. This is also why women like magicians (this is a very weak attraction, obviously), artists, etc… This is also why women are more attracted to men moving up and improving themselves than men that have already attained success.
As you can imagine, many women (especially feminists) don’t want to admit that they attracted to alpha males because it is a totally irrational thing for human beings. We live in a society with laws and nobody can truly do “whatever he wants” and if any man tried he would go to jail immediately. It also just happens that the most successful men are the most disciplined, hard working, and most likely to follow directions and not want to kick other guys’ asses. So the actual best men in society are often the complete opposite of the “alpha male” that women are attracted to.